aging

I feel like I'm not aging well.

I'm 26 and I have lines and dark circles under my eyes. I don't want to think that's normal.

I feel like I've aged in the past few years. Like the moment I stepped on American soil to become a resident and tax payer I began this journey that would affect me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and now it's starting to show physically. The other things I can deal with, mostly try to hide it as best I can. But the physical part, there's no hiding that. People KNOW when you look bad. Kids are really the only people who will TELL you. Everyone else just says, "Oh, you look tired today." Kids will say, "Miss Kristy, why do you have those lines under your eyes?"
Ha ha...I love how honest kids are.

I've looked at eye creams that would take $40 or more out of my pocket. I could get a massage. I could stick to my usual routine of waking up and going straight to the fridge for a cold face mask.
And I wonder if any remedy will help.

I remember reading a short story about a girl who was being beaten by her boyfriend and how her mother knew there was something wrong with her. She didn't know because of the way her daughter acted, she knew because of the way her hair looked. Her mother always knew when something was wrong with her children by the way their hair looked.

And I wonder if physically, my body is screaming for me to notice something is not right. Something needs to change for me to 'look right' again.

I am understanding more and more about the 'seasons' you go through in life. How sometimes the winters are longer than you would like and once spring comes you bless the Lord for getting you through.

I am understanding more and more about having a positive perspective. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it's just so the people around you don't feel awkward.

I miss having certain friends around us. Friends who are removed from your situations but yet are experiencing them in a different way. Friends who you can rant and rave to and they don't try to fix anything. They just listen and agree that yes, that situation sucks right now.

I wonder where all of this is leading me. What's going to be the turn around point when I get to "look back on this experience?"

I know that one day the headaches will fade, the eye twitches will end, the bags and lines will disappear (God please!) and I will be in a position where I am certain of my purpose and feel confident in my abilities to serve God in whatever I am doing.

Kind of a depressing blog this time.

Someone needs be confident enough to voice their season.